all about eve - helper
Genesis 2:18 "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.
If you are married, your role in your marriage, as a woman, is your husbands helper. To some this brings warm fuzzies and to others, you are maybe looking for the comment button. How does much of the world view this role? Weakness. How does God view our role? Proverbs 31 suggests respectable, honorable, virtuous and praiseworthy. The uplifted example of womanhood is a dynamic woman. She is busy at home, Titus 2:5, but she also has a respectable home industry, makes wise real estate investments, serves the poor, instructs with wisdom and so much more. She sets the bar high! Her husband and children are proud to say, "that's our girl!" The title helper does not suggest Eve is less capable or even under Adam's authority. That comes later after she got snacky. Eve was created to be a co-laborer with Adam. I have held tools as my husband changed the brakes on our car and he has helped me fold laundry. The same dynamic likely exists in most households. Eve's role changed drastically in Genesis 3:16. God, in this passage, establishes Adam as the head of the household. This is how God designed marriage. Husbands are the head of the household, but we are still co-laborers. I love how a seminary professor lovingly described it. Women were not created for the "grunt work." We are capable of amazing things. A wise husband will encourage his wife to discover her God given gifts and talents and use them to serve God and to perhaps create a home industry of her own. The title of helper can be twisted into a place where it is paralyzing to a woman's ability. Don't let it be. Remember Proverbs 31, but please also remember, that awesome woman of God made sure she saw to the needs of her family first. That being said, it is a beautiful thing when a husband lovingly and wisely leads his family as he is led by the Lord. How then can we help him do that? First, let him lead and pray for God to lead him as he leads your family. This can be a hard first step. In our marriage I held tight to the reigns. My upbringing left me in a place where I felt the need to be in control. That order is unnatural. It leaves a man feeling emasculated. That is not of God. It causes dysfunction in a relationship and it did in ours. When we became disciples (followers of Christ) in our early 20s, stepping down was one of my biggest issues. It took me years to fully submit to my God and respect my husbands role as head of our family. Great first steps if you want to honor your call and have not already, can simply be to consult your husband when making important decisions. If you come to a place that you disagree, look to the Bible. It is the standard. "What does the Bible say about it?" ended a lot of disagreements in our home. If you still disagree and the decision is life altering, not what to eat for dinner, set up time to talk with a Pastor. Additionally, as a wife I have found some of the best ways I can help my husband are encouraging him, being respectful, being patient, being helpful at home, following the Lord and being available physically and emotionally. This includes simply listening. Everybody wants to be heard and to feel like their thoughts have value. Active listening demonstrates that. With the many balls I juggle, I need to remind myself daily that I need to find time to put them down and have time to focus on us. The role of wife is multifaceted and of vital importance. As women, how we execute this role can have a profound and eternal impact on ourselves, our husbands and our children as well as our family and friends. Being married while essentially leading my family was like driving a car with a doughnut. My generation will get that. It is a small tire. It is not the size of the other tires. You have to drive slow, otherwise you will have a blowout. It will get you safely to a shop, but it is uncomfortable and clear to everyone, especially those along for the ride, that something is not right. That was our relationship. We were rolling along, but out of sync. When we made this shift, I oddly felt like I was losing something. I lost nothing. I got back the man who I fell in love with. I gained a highly functional family. I gained peace. I am grateful to have found this simple truth in God's word. We have been very blessed by applying God's principals to our marriage. I hope this encourages you to do the same if you haven't already.
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